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Friday, July 17, 2015

My Heart is Full, and so are My Hands

This month is mini d's birthday month. I seriously cannot believe she is two!

People ask us all the time when we plan on having a second child. We get comments about mini d needing a little sister or brother. We smile and nod, but inside I'm thinking {are these people crazy?}. The truth is, my heart is full and so are my hands.

I don't know how people do it. I have no idea how people can work full-time, manage their marriage, their children, and everything else. I lay down at night, exhausted but totally satisfied. I don't find myself feeling the need for a second child. At least not right now. My heart is so full of love for mini d, she is enough.

And then there is the part about my hands being full. She may seem shy to some initially, but she is FULL of life and personality. She is fearless. We have to watch her every single second. She has no fear. She doesn't see danger. I can't fathom trying to nurse a baby while mini d runs wild throughout the house endangering her life. And no that is not an exaggeration.

Sometimes I feel guilty about not wanting a second child. It seems like it's the norm to have at least two children. I grew up with a brother and a sister, and so did Daddy D.  I KNOW there are so many valuable life lessons you learn from having siblings. My sister and mother are my best friends next to Daddy D. I feel guilty about possibly depriving mini d of that kind of relationship.

I worry about her growing up as an only child. How will it effect her? The fear of the unknown.

Then I worry about Daddy D and I. Will she take care of us when we are old? What if she moves across the country and we never hear from her again? What if something happens to her, God forbid. We are kind of putting our eggs in one basket, so to say.

I also know the reality of the expenses associated with having multiple children. We have to think about vehicles, education, traveling, weddings. We want to give her the world, without spoiling her of course. But we want to have some kind of retirement left after all of it is said and done.

I see so many other parents making it with multiple children. They look like they have it all together. I barely have time to get a shower in the morning as it is with one.

I am in love with the idea of a second child, but not the reality of it. I would love to look in to the eyes of another sweet baby. I would love to experience another miracle from God. But for right now my hands are full. And thankfully, so is my heart.

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