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Thursday, May 7, 2015

The Diary of a Working Mommy

She said, "The girl I was with the business degree
Probably wouldn't recognize me
I was gonna run the bank, I was gonna run the map
Now all I wanna run is a bubble bath
Back then you know I had this plan
Before all of this reality set in
Here comes life boy ready or not
Hey I wanted it all and that's what I got"

During the time period that we found out we were pregnant with mini-d I was so sure of my career path. I was being promoted to Senior Auditor at a large public accounting firm, I was traveling, I was being challenged daily, and I was loving it. Getting pregnant didn't change that mentality for me. 

When she arrived my world was rocked. I had never been one to just "click" with babies or children. I couldn't believe that I could have SO MUCH love for this tiny human being. I would give my life in an instant for her.

The 12 weeks I spent on maternity leave were the shortest of my life. I couldn't fathom returning to work. Returning to 60 hour weeks, and overnight stays AWAY FROM MY BABY. I went back to work in October of 2013. I think cried every single day. I was a complete mess. I knew I needed to work, but I also knew I needed a change from the fast paced career path I was currently on. God heard my prayers, and out of the blue I was offered a once in a lifetime career. And just like that in January of 2014 I started working on a regular schedule. I came home every night to my baby. I have not one single time had to bring my work home with me. Heck, I don't even have a laptop! And it's a rare occasion that I work more than 40 hours a week.

BUT just because I'm working a job I love doesn't make it any less difficult to know I'm missing so many moments with my daughter I will never get back. 

She cries every single morning when I drop her off at Daycare. EVERY MORNING. And most mornings I get back in my car and I cry too. I kept thinking it would get better, but it hasn't. What can I say? That girl loves her Mommy and this Mommy loves her girl.

Daddy-D picks her up and they get home between 5:45 and 6:00 every night. By 7:00 we are already cleaning up and getting ready for bath. In the bed by 8:00 pm. She's up in the morning at 6:30 and we are at Daycare by 7:30. Those few hours are the most precious to me. My Mother said something to me once that has always stuck with me... 

It's not about the quantity of time you spend with them, it's about the quality.

That's my mantra every day. It gets me to the weekend. 

I can honestly say that I don't know if I'm doing what is best. I don't know that 100%. But I do know that I'm doing what I think is best. 

I go to work so that I can attempt to guarantee her future.
So that we can have a suitable home to live in.
So that we can one day be able to retire.
So that mini-d doesn't have to take out student loans one day.
So that we can bless her as our parents blessed us.
and this last one is the real kicker...
Because my job gives me a sense of purpose.

It sounds bad doesn't it?! 

I love my job. I was a person before I became Mommy. My job is fulfilling. It makes me a better Mommy. Mommy is one part of who I am, and even though it infiltrates every part of my life I am still Misti. 

Do I think I could be a stay-at-home Mother? Yes, and I know I would LOVE it. I appreciate women that stay-at-home full time. I KNOW it is the absolute hardest job there is. 

I work outside of the home, and it's just what works for our family. It's so difficult to describe the why's. My emotions are always so mixed. But I keep getting up every day and going to work. I tell myself that I know mini-d will be proud of her Mommy and the career that I have established, just as I am proud of my Mother.

Much Love, Misti

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