Curls and Pearls

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Thursday, May 14, 2015

Marriage, It's a Team Thing

I've never been one to play on teams very well. I'm self-admittedly kind of a control freak. If you know me you would probably more than agree with that statement. The first step is admitting there is a problem right?!

The only team I think I've ever played well on is the one that I think matters most, my marriage. Let's hope Daddy D would agree with me. Daddy D and I will be married 5 years in October, together 9 years in December. I have heard so many people talk about how tough marriage is and how much work it takes. While I do think there are certain aspects of marriage that take some extra thought I most definitely wouldn't call it work. Work doesn't sound fun, and I promise you marriage can be fun and should be!

Our marriage is easy, it flows naturally.

Why does it work so well?

We ALWAYS ALWAYS put God first.
We know that we each come next. This is super hard once you have children, just FYI.
We don't argue over the small things.
We communicate.
We don't keep secrets about our finances. Or any secrets for that matter.
1 + 1 = 1, we may be two people but together we are still one.

My Dad always told me that there were two things that cause divorce. Trust and Money. As an adult I can totally see this now.

The Bible teaches us so much about marriage, and really life in general. Actually, it's the handbook to life so you might want to read it. Personally, I prefer to read the instruction booklet before trying to put something together. So Type A typical, I know. With that said we always put God first, or attempt to, we aren't perfect by ANY MEANS. We also try to follow his teachings. Daddy-D is the spiritual leader of our household and I will say that he rocks at it!

I think this second part has become especially hard for both of us since having mini-d. We consider mini-d an extension of each of us. Putting each other before mini-d is extremely difficult. This is one area that I think requires extra attention on both of our parts. Making time for each other, just the two of us, is something that is necessary. Sometimes though we get so caught up in the day-to-day and what's going on with her that we forget. Don't forget, that part is really important.

Pick your battles. Some things just aren't worth wasting your time on. Who cares if Daddy-D decided to leave the back door open and let flies in for the 100th time. Not speaking from experience or anything. Totally not something worth arguing over though. If you ever find yourself getting frustrated about something that in reality is probably really silly just take a minute and think of the kind things your significant other did for you that day or that week. Sounds cheesy, but it will usually calm you down a bit.

Communication is KEY! Daddy D and I talk about EVERYTHING. We are best friends. There is no other one person on this earth that knows more about me than he does. We do not keep secrets. Having your girlfriends is great, but they shouldn't come between you and your hubby.

So spinning off of the not keeping secrets thing. I know so many women that lie to their husbands about things that they buy. I'm sure this isn't just a woman thing though. Finances are such an important issue, and can tear a marriage apart in a minute. We don't have separate bank accounts. Who cares who is making the most money? You both are most likely working your booties off! Even Especially if one of you is a stay at home parent. When you get a divorce the majority of the time your assets are getting split 50/50 anyway. It should have been 50/50 from the start and maybe you wouldn't be in the divorce situation to begin with!

This leads me to my final thought. When you get married you become a unit. There is no "controller" of the marriage. Sure one person may be better at doing something than the other. I'm good with handling our finances and Daddy-D is good at fixing things. Marriage is about learning and understanding each other's strengths and weaknesses. Most importantly it's about loving one another.

Go home and kiss your hubby (or you know, your wife)! Much Love, Misti

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